As previously discussed, mussar inspires us to a loftier ideal; it stirs within us longings for greatness. Yet mussar only begins with dreams. The next step is to examine the real, the self, in all of its good and bad characteristics. At this stage of self-scrutiny the two most important traits are honesty and patience.
The study of mussar is an act of self-revelation – in all of its beauty and ugliness. It is an attempt to look beyond one’s defense mechanisms and peer into the depths of the soul.
However, as important self-scrutiny is, it must stem from the proper motivation. Ramchal (Messilas Yesharim, chapter four) delineates three different motivations that an aspiring eved Hashem may have. Some may serve Him out of their love for Shleimus, others out of a desire for kavod in the next world, and others out of a fear of punishment. Notice, however, that one motivation is missing: Self-hatred.
Growth is a necessity. But the beginning of growth is a patinece born of self-love; that is, caring for one's own being. We want to build ourselves, not run away from a self that we hate. We act as a loving, not an annoyed, parent.
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Chazal tell us "zacha - naases lo sam hachayim; lo zacha - naases lo sam hamaves". If a person doesn't purify himself, the Torah itself destroys the person. Yahadus, both its Halachic and Hashkafic components, carry tremedous potential to elevate a person beyond his wildest dreams. But when approached incorrectly, it can fill a person with smallness, hatred of self, hatred of man, and hatred of the world. The difference between the right and wrong approach, at times, is no greater than chut haseara.
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